YOUR PICTURE ON MY WALL (woke up wit tears in my eyes; I must have been dreamin of u)

I hang your picture on my wall

Cos I’m still trying to hang unto my emotions
Still tryna stand tall
Gatta prevent myself from another fall
I got this exciting feeling 
Some call it love; I call it personal healing
You feel so high, like touching the ceiling 
You wanna take risk even when they tear you apart
U keep em’ close to you, close to your heart
Every night u stare at their picture; that unforgettable piece of art
Knowing that in no time, dey might depart 

I woke up this morning; I felt tears in my eyes
One rolled down my cheek and the other filled my eyes
I knew I must have been dreaming of you again
It’s a cold feeling; how do U get it warm again?
It’s an old feeling; how do you make it new again?
Without the one u love, you feel so plain
Nothing hurts more than this emotional pain
U think of them every now and then 
And you compare your life to what it was back then
it should be better without them but why does it feel worse
You fill up your brain 
With thoughts that drain
These emotions 
You can’t stand the thought of them with another
You don’t see yourself with another
But their love was so unfaithful
Yet U stayed faithful

U forced me to go
u forced me to stay 
my feelings you already know 
still u didn't give us a chance for this love to grow
this feeling is getting cold 
this feeling is getting old
but how do I stop this flames 
that ur burnin my heart with?
You try so hard to show how exhausted you are
The feeling of loving one so far
You go for a drink at the bar
U light up your cigar
And smoke all night in your car
I’ve been through this road before
I thought it should be over now, so why is my heart still sore?
Like my head and my heart is at war
You tear apart my soul
I’m torn in pieces, gatta get back to being whole
How do I get back my life that you’ve stole?
It’s time I crawl outta this suffocating hole
And console 
My emotions
But first, I must take your picture off my wall
Hope I get the courage to

It's been years and i still see my tears

When I think of you, my heart still breaks
At night I lay down to sleep, but my hand still shakes
I feel cold, like my body is frozen
Because of my happiness you have stolen
What mistakes did I make?
You didn’t have to take
Anything that was mine, cos I gave u everything I had
I wanna forget you but why is it so hard?
Now every other guy to me looks bad
I need to find some excitement and stop being sad
I need to love more and be less mad

With you my life wasn’t perfect
But you made me feel perfect
They said a love like ours wouldn’t last
And soon times I would be your past
But there was so much hate on our relationship
I never thought we would indeed become a sunken ship
Your beautiful eyes, your charming ways, your sweet smile
How the hell do u expect me to survive this pain?
It’s been years and I styll see my tears
I keep crying
I keep dying
I keep lying
That you are for me
I keep trying
I keep dreaming
I keep believing
That we are meant to be 

I try to move on but I keep crying
I try to breathe again but I keep dying
I try to hang unto very little hope
That somehow I would cope
But in the end I say “nope”
Cos this is a lot harder than it is

Deep inside, I still ask hurting questions
Like what went wrong?
I thought I was strong
Until u broke the one thing I have held unto for so long
You and I
I couldn't live without u
U were the one I lived for
The one I could die for

God knows I am still angry
And my emotions are becoming scary
This hurt is too much for me to carry
I’ve done all sorts of therapy, including keeping a diary
But somehow my eyes still stay teary
When would I learn to bury
The fact that you were not worth my love or me
It’s indeed time my shattered soul and I agree
To set your memories free
Else, in more years to come, I would still see my tears
I feel like I'm going insane
and I don't wanna love again
I don't want yet another dude to act like he feels my pain
and then I give my soul and heart to him yet in vein again
Cos right now I’m falling, really falling
Cos I gave you too much love, all the love I could give; all the love I had in me
And now I am left with nothing but hate 

Living To Die

The beginning of me
Is the end of me
The girl living outside
It’s her turn to die inside
A reflection of my shadow
Also shows
A lost jewel dat glows
So hard to grow
Silent secret, no one knows

I question love
I question the God above
Is dis me? Or is this a cover?
When would my life be over?
To others
It’s a scary thought
To me; it’s an extreme must
Really hot yet really cold
Really young yet really old
as more storms approaches
I pray for more rain
but the truth is, nothing could drain
this unconcealable pain
so much reasons to die
yet so few to live

My distractions
Are my potential magnet life attractions?
To rage, to anger to hate
Why say you care when you don’t
Why say you’d stay when you won’t
You’re here not lost
Passions going astray with a cost
Emotions; undying affections
Divided attention
Because I die to live
And I live to die
and when I do die
I would wanna resurrect
to correct
shyt of the world dat ain't right
make sad lives bright
make the depressed have better night
calm every fear; every fright

Give me your confidence
Take my fears
Give me your conscience
Take my tears
because I am soon to have blood on my hands
Seeking a chance to breathe
Complex simplicity
Is better off lived
With yet another less complicated life
I’m the definition
Of a girl with faithless fate
With no feelings to believe in soul mate
I seek pain instead of pleasure in every bedmate
Because that is what I would rather feel
Because I am ice, I am real

who is scared of death?
you can keep your breathe
while I take mine
I hate this feeling
The one that got me thinking of killing
Of stealing
Yet another life as I take mine
But they say I’d be just fine
It’s a phase
Of mental case
Causing me sleepless nights
And continuous fights
Dying to live
Living to die
Ain’t life a fucking puzzle
Destiny blamed
And God questioned
But all is never lost… is it?

FIND HAPPINESS IN MY DEATH

My voice trembles slow
As my shivers begin to show
It’s my time to woe
My turn to reap what I never sow
Would I ever glow?
Despite the darkness lying deep down below?
I guess I’d never know
Cos my heart wants to stay but my head says I should go

As the feelings get bigger
The more I beg you to pull the trigger
I’m prepared
Not to let go of the things we shared
Becos I care and always cared
No other could be compared
Take your pound of flesh; so it’s squared

Kill me, kill me
If u have to
Hate me, hate me
If thatz what you must do
We would agree
That through death, you'd set me free
But I’m not willing to let you be
I ain’t thinking of the value of my breath
If you find happiness in my death

when u whisper those words in my ears
You wipe off my tears
You could feel my fears
As it boldly appears
Like a red stain on white
Do you care
That our love is unfair?
Would u be in despair
If I had an affair?
Would u sit and stare
If I’m never there
But always somewhere
Would u say a prayer
To get back what we share?
Would u still find my type of girl rare
Or would you swear
To cause me my emotional death
Would u heartlessly watch as my heart dies?
Would u ignore my soul cries?
Would u welcome our goodbyes?
Or would u look deep into my eyes
And be filled with despise?

You’re not just a phase
I’m willing to let time chase
Becos you’re the one, I wake up at night to gaze
The one I die for, if I don’t see you for days
You’re the one that amaze
My heart with your ways
I’m sorry if I set us ablaze
Or if I caused you emotional craze
Thatz why I ain’t thinking of the value of my breath
If you find happiness in my death
You could take my life
With a gun or a knife
While I take a deep breath
And close my eyes
Because it is indeed a scary thought
That we are distraught
Tho I thought
We coulda fought
This emotional death
Just take my breath
and find the happiness you deserve
while my soul preserve
somewhere, anywhere

NK

ALIVE ***LOVE is the size of an OCEAN***

I’m glowing in the dark
Living everyday with a spark
It’s cold but I still take a walk along the park
Free as a wild sea shark
But I’m feeling alive, now thatz the remark
For giving love a chance
When u hear sweet music, u dance
U dn’t just sit, stare and glance
Red dress, red wine, wet kisses, inhales & exhales of romance
U 4get about issues with finance
U wanna take a beautiful trip with your lover to france
You think of progress and how you enhance
You get the strength you need to be happy and to advance
Thatz how it feels to be in love

Just like the oceans, it’s deep
Just like life, it could make u weep
But I’m always the girl waiting for something
Barely ever waited for someone
Cos in the end, there is never no one
But right now, I open my eyes and stay awake
Cos I got this feeling that feels like I’m asleep and at peace
It’s a feeling anyone would wanna keep
Tho it comes with risks and insecurities
It comes with evil and impurities

But I got two feet
To run into this reckless emotion
I got my heartbeat
To free me from dramatic commotion
I got someone that makes me feel complete
tho it feels like i'm reacting to a love potion
This feeling I’d love to repeat
Cos I’ve slowly learnt the importance of devotion
I’m ready to compete and defeat
Because love is the size of an ocean

For the first time I’m tired of dreaming
I’m stuck in a world thatz no longer turning
My body carries a heart thatz beating
And a mind thatz spinning
I might crash and I might burn
But I know the significance of being loved and loving
I’m getting to know myself and exploring
Loving, learning and living
I wanna feel this fire while it’s blazing
I know I might end up dying
I might end up crying
But at least I’d know how it feels to be alive


With Luv
NK

BREATHLESS... (Wake up after the moon's gone?)

Sometimes I wonder why my tears never dry up
Other times I live in regrets
I hurt myself more cos some memories just don’t fade away
And I let my spirit get weak and my soul is astray

I listen to silent whispers
Uttering words that hinders
My hidden thoughts
My unheard voice
My blind sight

I seek pleasure in alcohol
Clearing some mental space
And finding my resting place
I live with myself by smoking my pains away
And trying to smile at every face
I keep my distance from perfection
And run away from those who chase my affection
I love to hate those who talk about love and passion

The best days of my life
Turn into my worst nightmares
When I wake up and look into the mirror
All I see are rebellious stares
I feel raindrops in my soul
But it’s just tears in my eyes pouring outta control

In the shower, I sing, I whistle and I giggle
Just like every other girl
I cry and I laugh
Just like every other girl
But others are asleep
I like to stay awake
I lay quietly on the bed I make
And hoping that my soul the devil don’t take
When others talk
I’m silent, most times I take a walk
Thinking through my wrongs
And hating to correct them to rights

A call, a cuddle, a night out
With someone special
Who claims to TRULY “love” me
But I know it ain’t what it is
Words to some are false
My words is my reality
My soul feels torn up
And I’m left with feeling reckless
Sometimes I get helpless; other times I stay clueless
I lay on my bed to sleep and I wonder
Would I wake up after the moon is gone, breathless?

My heart's cold
just like my body
My voice is still
just like my soul
Everything’s blurry
Everything’s gone in the twinkle of an eye
We live to die
Die to live
I’m begged to stay
But I wanna go away
I go on my knees and pray
That I’d get a picture of my fate
I do believe in God but I do have very little & fragile faith
Will I ever see heaven’s gate?
Will I learn to love and trust my soul mate?
I sympatize with my mind
and say "it's not so bad"
but thatz only in my dreams
in my reality
it is indeed not so bad


WITH LOVE
NK

YOU KILLED ME FASTER THAN MY CIGARRETTES ...

In time and age
I soothe to heal my heart filled with hate and rage
I wish I could erase the “You & I” page
Becos it traps my happiness in a cage
But I’m stuck with wishful thinking
Night to day, I’m all up drinking
Sleeping yet craving
To be smoking
And you’re the one to blame

You pierced my heart deeper than a knife
You’re still the biggest mistake of my life
You broke my heart
You shattered my soul apart
Leaving me lifeless
My emotions running wild and reckless
I hate the thought of laughter

As much as I love the thoughts of blood
Thatz how you feel
When your emotions flood
In the streams of heartbreak and arches
It hurts
The cuts
It burns
But I’ve learnt

The lies you told, I accept
The promises I made, I kept
Without u by my side, I never slept
The night you left, I wept
I knew it was love except
It killed me faster than my cigarettes

I won’t make u see my pain
Cos U’d ask me to try again
I won’t let u see me wrecking my brain
Cos I already promised you that I’d stay sane
Without you, I’d pop champagne
Nothing about emotions to complain
Without you, I’d attain
More grace and happiness under this rain
But it’s all lies
Cos now I’m miserable as I look up to the skies
With tears filled in my eyes
Praying to God to send me an angel in disguise
Someone whose love never dies
One who hate to hear my cries
But until he answers my prayers
My cigarettes remain justifiable


Yours Truly
NK

FUCK UR LOVE
It stinks just like my smokes...