Confessions of a “Once” Broken Girl

Everyday of my life

Someone wants to tear me apart

While someone else wants to steal my heart

Everyday of my life

I laugh more than I cry

Cos nothing has ever been made easier

I don’t wish, I try, I hope and I pray

Everyday of my life

I help someone, I make someone smile

Yet I ignore someone

All the days of my life

It’s been the way I’ve always wanted it to be

Built my own walls

Made my own principles

Broken my own rules

Everyday of my life

I say “I’m beautiful”. “I’m a fighter”

Sometimes, a hustler

I know when to be more cautious than curious

Even tho I love it the other way around

“more curious than cautious”

Everyday of my life

I fight for what I believe in

Argue with the best

Say “fuck u” to the rest

Don’t study but hope to pass the test

Everyday of my life

I kiss my lovers

Holla at my haters

Still waiting for things to turn around

Everyday of my life

I hear my own heartbeat

Yet I know someone else hears its pulse

And someone else feels its insecurities

Everyday of my life

I wait for a letter arrive with the most beautiful words

And when I’m sad, I wait for the good love to make me feel better

Everyday of my life

I ask questions and not expect answers

Live the way I’ve always wanted

Avoid get broken into pieces
Breathe more than I pass on
Everyday of my life
I dream of someone who won’t ever leave me
And I sleep cuddled up in my fears, my tears
With assurance that I’d wake up happier
Those who break my heart, I seek the truth
“Did u ever love me”?

Everyday of my life

I’ll wait as always

For the life I want to come

Yet I search for it

Everyday of my life

I believe in remorse and forgiveness

Love & peace; happiness & life

Who know me better than I know myself?

Maybe God

But I can’t guarantee that because he’s yet to show me a sign

If only anyone could see into me, read me and speak my mind

Then maybe, there would be no need to write these words
Everyday of my life
I believe I am so much better than my best that I know
Never lost without finding my way home
Even when I cry, in no time, I know I’ll be fine
It’s like I have my own lucky star or something
Even when they treat me wrong, I do them right

Haven’t u heard the phase

“don’t pay evil with evil”?

When you’re cold, I could always lend a hug

Atleast to warm you up

When you’re lonely, I’m gonna be there

Atleast we could keep each other company

Everyday of my life
I hate and I love
Everything and everyone around me
Everyday of my life
I’d live to make someone smile
Chasing as much happiness as I can
Everyday of my life
I think I might die cos of how many times I lose my breath
On a shoe, a write-up, a picture or a boy :)

Nothing is ever strange, ever new or unexpected

Everyday of my life

I’d rather kiss than have sex

Passion it is for me, lust can wait for a few more hours

Everyday of my life

Things fall in place

Things start making sense

Everyday of my life 

I don’t listen to promises

Just like I don’t make any

Everyday of my life

I make confessions of a “once” broken girl

NK JUNIOR ... 

Do The Things You Love

When u need me

And I’m never there

Even when u can’t sleep

And u need me to sing u a lullaby

If u call out my name in d dark

And u hear nothing but the creeps of the night

Do the things u love

And forget about me

 If u ever wonder why I changed?

Or how long its been since I made u smile

Don’t worry too much

U’d only hurt ur growing mind

Your hours and energy u spend missing me

Could be used to do the things u love

And forget about me

When u wish to know what I’m thinking

Or yearn to understand the impact of my memories

Set ur mind free

It’s the only way to abstain from insanity

Learn to love the things u love

More than the way u love me

For my love is unworthy of your love

Ask yourself about your hopes and dreams

Live your life in the absence of my inspirations

Don’t forget to forget about me

Especially when you can’t go to bed without a goodnight kiss

If we were meant to be

You’d feel my presence

Smell my fragrance

Acknowledge my importance

Don’t live everything thinking of me as “a need”

For I am barely “a want”

Let karma play the role on its victims though we made our own decisions

True love is equally shared

Not impartially beneficial

When it’s filled with denial, deceit and dead ends

U know it has hit the end of the road

When u think of me

Do the things u love

And never forget to forget about me

NK JUNIOR ...

I GET HURT

Tears fall down my cheeks

And I stare into the years of my life

Nothing’s change

Same repeated experiences moving all around in circles

And people tryna walk all over me

Stomp on my heart and dictate my emotion

Who do I trust? Nobody

It’s like handing a gun to a little baby

Hoping it won’t shoot

But what if it does

It’s a wasted life and a risk u took

I don’t play my life like that

Because it aint a game or a piece of puzzle thatz needs to be added up

I’d rather stay isolated

At least nothing would get me agitated

This time is not the time I give a damn

If things don’t change, I will

Because there’s so much about life I’ve seen

So much more I would see

And I hate almost everything thatz around me

And almost everyone that is around me

I won’t even try to save anything

Save relationships, save friendships

Because in the end, everyone wants to let u down

I won’t try asking a dog not to bark

Cos thatz the only thing it knows how to do

I won’t try asking myself to trust

Because I will give up on myself

I won’t ask myself to love

Because I would only hate myself

Every other second I stay awake and try to breathe

But I ask myself whatz the use?

I won’t ask questions

Cos silence would be the answers

The kinds of things that my heart is filled with

Should be for the dead, for the devil

When was the last time I seen light?

Even when I open my eyes during the day, it’s darkness I view

I don’t need proof to acknowledge that I’m torn apart

Neither do I need anyone to sympathize with my pain

Just like life is a one time chance thing

So is everyone else that walks into my life

Second chances has always been a repeat act of negativity

I’m not blindfolded yet sometimes I’m blind

There’s only so much a mind, a heart and a soul can take

Especially when it turns cold and confined

I don’t wanna fall asleep

Cos when I wake up it won’t make a difference

The truth stares at me right in the face

And I still don’t know how I missed it

I get hurt

A lot more than I can take

I get hurt

In the worse of ways

I get hurt

By my emotions

I get hurt

By letting those people in my life

I get hurt

In the coldest of ways

DESTINED FOR EACH OTHER ...

I dream of you every night
I look deep into your amazing glassy eyes
It’s as teary as ever, same passion
And I feel the same way, the way I’ve always felt from the start
I dream of you & I
In love again
I listen to my heartbeat
And its rhythm beats out your name
Our love is not a burden
But a cross I have to carry
Through this second chance I believe we ought to have
It’s what you believe, I’ll believe
True love flies through time, through distance
Between these miles, these years
My dream remains the same
And I believe that we are gonna fall in love again and again
this time, it's going to be free of pain
Because time changed nothing
My mind thinks of you
As my soul feels you 

 
My heart cries out for you
As my body stays reckless for your touch, your kiss, your love
I don’t want to take with me “mere” memories
Every night your face hunts me in my dreams
My feelings are much more deeper than it seems
So much love I have and want to offer all to you
You may think you are there, but I know your heart is right here with me
I want you physically here with me
Let me feel the love that has kept me up all night thinking and yearning for the one my heart cherish and adores the most

It may seem crazy but I still feel your touch
I remember every second you kissed me and every sensation I felt
I’m a dreamer and a believer in love
Sacrifices made, we ought to compromise this feeling for us both
Yet we have to make a choice
A choice to be with us or be with others
But a smile that sparks like gold and glows like diamond is a rare one to find
A honest man, so easy to love and appeal does not come easy
A love like this is bound to last a life time, not a moment, not a season
True love flows continuous as a river, it never waits for time, for distance, for us
I believe someday you will realize what I just realize that we are destined for each other 

because I was born to make you happy
I was destined to cry when you cry and laugh when you laugh
because your pain and happiness is my pain and happiness
let me hold you tight and keep you warm when you are cold
let me be the one to make you feel better
share your thoughts, you know i'll listen to your words and correct your wrong actions  
I still feel the way I felt on our first date
Shy, speechless, in love
Listen to my heart
It’s filled with happiness and promise
It’s your worth
The one I felt the first day we made love
Time has changed nothing
Nothing has changed
If you believe what I believe
True love awaits our return

PRICE OF “LOVE”

Everyday you breathe with your lungs

While your heart suffers and suffocates

Just like everyday I wear a smile

While my heart breaks and shatters

Time waits for no one

With every sin comes our judgment

And every crime carries penalties

Karma is a must felt penance

One that you and I cannot escape

Why think about the past?

While we still have our future to figure out?

Why walk when I could run?

Why should I pause my life, for you, for what we shared?

What u never knew then, u know now?

That I am my own woman, with my own strength, my own voice, and my own choice

Why walk towards a closed door, knowing there is no entry back into my heart?

Why make wishes when you know that shooting stars is only a fairytale?

You were so blinded by your world

You failed to recognize mine that was next to yours

I watch how depressed you are

I see how your mood changes when I’m around

You say “I’m the radiant to your dark days”

It’s wrong emotions at a wrong time

Because the deed has been done

And the hurt has been felt

And you my love, must know that my life has continued

Now u admit that u did me wrong

Perhaps because you are frightened by loneliness and isolation

Why have a gold and call it bronze?

Why throw away pearls?

Why were you so blinded to see my value?

Honesty and faithfulness I gave

But lies and deceit u returned

Love has a price

Sometimes it’s rewarding

Other times, it’s heartbreaking

Our past was beautiful yet ugly

It was memorable yet forgettable

but quit running back in time

Don’t live to suffer, don’t live to be silent in regret

Feed off from our experiences

You just might be better than you ever thought you could be

As for me, I’ve lost the key to my heart

But I still believe in love

maybe destiny chose me to cry

Maybe God wanted to test my faith

Or maybe I simply need to repair my broken deepest trust

and learn to forgive

CRAZIER ...

I never see myself gone with the wind or with anyone else

I find myself feeling you and not anyone else

I never saw it before, but now I find my way

Right back where you are

I think of you as “the one”

And I feel like I’m falling to the ground

And I need someone to spin me around

Right back to where my senses are

Because you make me crazier and crazier

Have I been blinded to see that we could never end?

I’ll stay faithful, till you pass my way again and just maybe I might cheat

I think of you more than every now and then

Because you drive my mind crazier

And im lost with these thought of wanting to hold u again

I made your sky blue and sometimes I died with the envy feeling of green

Because u just might be meant for me, as I am to you

I remember every time we ever spent together

I remember how u were always the one able to make me laugh

I remember the fights, the promises

I remember your inspiration, your love

What happened to those times we were what we are

Destiny? Distance? Mistrust? Maturity?

We lost everything we had to nature, to life

You’re stuck on my mind and im falling apart while going crazier

Do you sleep recklessly while I’m in your dreams?

Do you think of me? Pray for me? Wish me the best?

Because I hallucinate about your image

You’re an illusion to me

How could our love be gone with the wind?

Why didn’t we just let it flow and let it take us wherever it wants to

Maybe this distance was needed so we could understand what we have

But we are two souls with the same thoughts

Some memories drive you crazy

I drive u crazy

U make me crazier

We live in a crazy world

And we feel crazy emotions