There are only a few times we get to really feel true love in a lifetime, some people feel it once and others not till the end of time. Love is like an opportunity you get to be blessed with someone so beautiful, unique and God filled. I’ve had the best of it that is worth a eternity, magnificent love with every aspect of outstanding uniqueness. I’ve always loved everything my feelings for her came with, even though sometimes it was a little wrong, I knew she felt the same way. What is living? When you are not sharing your existence with someone? Isolation some choose but I never chose mine because I used to be perfectly fine with her here.
Everyday I wake up; I think of her, sometimes I wake up to tears rolling down my cheeks, I must have been dreaming about her yet again. She was my delusion and my stunning lurid. She was perfect, a little too perfect to be real. I lived for her beautiful smile, her crazy ways; her soothing voice, her enticing body fragrance and I loved her addictive body. She was my best friend; everything I needed to live life like all is well. I’m broken up indeed as my heart refuses to get over her, its one thing to be infatuated and another to be in love. She always told me “Obsession isn’t love” but how different is it from love, when you’re willing to walk the miles for that one person that makes your heart beat; you’re willing to kill and die for every moment you get with that person. My girl was my life. We were a very beautiful couple, some say we were the paramount lovers they knew; others said we were predestined soul mates; two bodies with one soul.
For some reason, I saw our walls falling; I just didn’t know how to stop it. I was lost in her world, everything she had to offer, I wanted. Her happiness, her life, her heart, I wanted. She was the wings to my heights, I would die to watch her live, cry to watch her smile, I would give up every sanity I have left in me to make sure she’s good. It was spooky yet a very powerful feeling.
She’s been my life, my world for over seven years; we did everything together, ate together, slept together, cried together and laughed together. It really sucks to think of her as a broken dream because we were so perfect! We had our fights; we had times when we felt hate and rage. I remember spending nights with her and she would get so mad at me and refuse to talk to me, I would send text messages with red hearts and sad smiley faces to show how sorry I was and she would send me the big smiley faces; I just loved how cute she was when her temporal “hate” for me turns right back to endless love. Some night she would cuddle me up and cry on my shoulders, then slide down and cry on my chest, it would break my heart to watch my girlfriend live a life of so much pain, I was suppose to be her happiness, so why does she still suffer in agony whilst I’m alive? Let me do the crying babe, I would whisper in her eyes, while touching her hair, I would tickle her so she laughs, she would laugh with her beautiful chuckle sounds that brings more life to my dying soul. Why do moments so glorious have to end? Why does someone so spectacular have to be such a victim of ill fate? I would think to myself with a smile on my face. We were both in so much pain but we barely showed it to each other, we laughed and lived life as if all was okay to keep each other strong and to keep our love bond stronger than marriage ties.
She was such a beautiful person; she deserved the best of life, of nature. Nonetheless, life has always played a sad song with its wheels spinning in constant tragedies; my girl was leaving me. She had severe case of anemia. Death was taking her away from me. Everyday I watched her get closer and closer to her end of days and I was not willing to accept her fate despite she already did. Several times, she would need blood transfusion and thank God my blood group was a perfect match for hers. I gave her my blood anytime the doctor said she needed it. Despite the doctor’s constant complaints of my continuous donations to her, I couldn’t help but give her my blood more and more. I couldn’t live without her and I was willing to sacrifice half of me, if not all of me to make sure we share this lifetime together. Eternity was at my finger tips but departed was also on my finger tips, I was not willing to go that road, I didn’t want us to end, keeping my girl alive was the only way I could keep myself alive. I wanted to give her some more life again and again, as long as it takes her pain away and gives another chance of breath to her beautiful soul.
I loved my woman so much, to an extreme. I hated when men talk to her, I hurt anyone thrice as much who hurt her. I would be so angry when people make jokes about her health. The last time someone did that I was so close to dropping him off a 25 storey building; the whole situation made me angry, made me cold blooded; it made me sad most of the time. I watched my girl cry everyday at how angry I had become. I became a monster trying to protect an angel. I didn’t want to accept the medical report that states she has fifteen years to live. What happened to together forever? We were supposed to live and die together! That was the promise I made to her the night I took her virginity. I was willing to exchange my life for my girl’s life because I don’t see the use of living if she isn’t here with me but she always said to me “Promise me you would live if I die”.
Every moment, I captured with her was a beautiful picture, the nights I made love to her innocent self, the days I would look her in her eyes and see her pain, her fears, it would get to me as if I was the one alive but trapped in a coffin. She had all my affection and I had all her attention. She was always so close and I could feel her every heart beat and soul fill.
People often made jokes about her illness and it killed every living feeling cell in my body, I get violent, I get bloody, that night after one of my angry rampage with some jerks on the block; I drove to a beach out of town, turned my phone off and sooth my angry mind with the thoughts of her. I don’t know who she was or where she came from but she took over my soul, my existence. I was so lost in her world that mine ceased to exist. I was so caught up with the thoughts of her in my world that I didn’t get the emergency call that some guys I had beaten up for insulting my girl, ganged up, raped her and watched her bleed for hours. When she was rushed to emergency, she needed blood and I wasn’t there to give it to her. My girl died 2am that night as I sat by the beach thinking of her. Everyday I still smell her fragrance on my skin. I wake up everyday to this pain as I wait the day, I will claim their lives for her because they did me the biggest wrong and I don't know what forgiveness is, even if they ask of it. They killed me when they killed her ...
she still shows me her love every once in a while, she does ....
We can't really define love in dictionary words, we don't really know what love is but we know all the things that it isn't ... This is more than obsession, it's more than love .... it's beautiful ill-fate
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