IN MY PAST

It’s hard to laugh
When u got pain on ur mind
It’s hard to shine
When u sit next to darkness
I think of you every step of the way
And my heart breaks every single day
You are no good for me
And I know this 
It’s simply hard to forget you
I wish u were a better person
But the truth remains the same
U were who you chose to be
Who u wanted to be
I don’t hate you
I don’t love you either 
I just need to fix myself up
Flush out the memories of you
Put you all in my past
Right now, you don’t even seem to matter
I need to get myself back together
Cos u making me less than nothing
A dead human
Still breathing, still eating, still walking
But not the way I used to
I breathe pain
I eat memories
And I walk alone
I’m less to nothing but myself right now

It would be easier if u told me I made you sad
If u held me and told me u won’t be missing me
Tell me you never fell in love with me
And I’ll be moving on
If u tell me you were never mine
Tell me you never had intentions to stay 
Tell me I was the fool all along and our love was simply a game
With one chance, I will say to you again and again
That I don’t wanna miss you
But I cannot pretend or fake my happiness
I’m crushed
I’m a shadow of myself 

I was the last to know how hurt I was
I lived in denial
Died inside
Wishing, simply wishing
Of what it coulda been
But with u nothing woulda been
Good
Every word you said pierced my heart
And everything u did burnt my soul
I’d leave u behind
Because u didn’t give a damn about me
I’ll save my tears for someone else to remind u
That karma is real
It’s harder to sleep
With nightmares of the things u did
Its crazy how romance could break one’s apart
Its fucked up how love could hurt one’s heart
Its matters of the heart 
I’d rethink everything we shared
And I feel sorry for myself
It was crystal clear that we would crash
And stumble upon my being
But I placed myself at risk
Hoping u won’t do to me the things I feared the most
But u did
But I’ll be moving on
Left in my doubts
Left with emptiness
Left with my broken self to deal with 

NK JUNIOR